I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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