It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
