There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am mentally ready for anal.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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