I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
