Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need a beard to bite.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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