I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
