I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
