so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
