well I can't set my house on fire every night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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