Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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