I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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