Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
