Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
