Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
People in love make me want to vomit
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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