Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
