Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
