Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
