Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
