You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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