Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
