He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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