well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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