And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
