you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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