about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
