i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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