mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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