So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
