john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
