Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
