dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
