Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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