He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
