Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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