he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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