So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
