I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
