He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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