i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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