yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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