I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
