When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
