Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
