I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry my hands just texted you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'd cum for enchiladas.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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