I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
