So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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