I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
