I hate all girls vehemently.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
