Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize