Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have post one night stand depression
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