we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
