I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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