He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
