there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
