and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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