no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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