with your own penis?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
