she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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