this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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