I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
