Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
