Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i barfeds in our rink
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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