She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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