I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize