I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
