Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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