I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
whose parrot is this?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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